Posts Tagged ‘reality’

Then he approached me so much, I could almost feel his breath on my face: “Yes, you have brown hair and eyes but you are way too white.” Said this dude after hearing where I am coming from.

“I can see you girls are of another race”, says my friend’s neighbor while we were walking together in the neighborhood. We are white Caucasian just like this neighbor.

“Are you Italian? You have brown hair and the shape of your nose is weird”. I hear at a seminar. No I’m not Italian, but close enough. I really don’t want to make conversation with you because you are rude. You just don’t comment on a random person’s outer appearance.

Plus the countless questions of where I am from and what I am doing here, some followed by suggestion to dye my hair blonde so I could be more like the locals. The fact that I speak the language fluently and I had no cultural shock whatsoever upon moving to Finland does not count. Now I should alter my looks. What next? Am I supposed to spend few thousands euros to get that weird nose fixed, too?

I am well aware of the fact though that my skin complexion worked in my favor here because otherwise I would have got nastier remarks and I think even faced violence as some of people I know did. But was negatively amazed to see how far people’s ignorance and stupidity can go. If you have a problem with the simple fact that a person has brown hair and most of people around are blonde then you don’t deserve the slightest drop of attention. To me this mentality of “change your outer appearance to blend it” is the most obvious form of following the herd. And I’ve never been good with that. It never crosses my mind to ask people about their background when we first meet and it’s definitely out of the question to make comments on their outer appearance. There are plenty of other subjects to open a conversation with and saying one of the above denotes lack of imagination.

Yes, I heard the excuse “but we are a small country and blah, blah”. That excuse would have worked maybe 50 years ago. It’s 2017 so snap out of it. People are moving around and I really hate to hear somebody playing the naive card “but what are you doing here?”. There are very few reasons why a person would choose a country and I’m definitely not interested in any of them. If they mentioned it fine, but I wouldn’t ask. Because it’s not my business.

As for dyeing my hair blonde to “fit in” let me tell you something: I would definitely hate having blonde hair. First, I really love my natural brown hair and I rarely dye it because there is no need to. If I choose so, then I would choose a color which is close to my natural one because blonde doesn’t fit me at all. Second, dyeing my hair blonde would take a significant toll on it because of the bleaching treatment, not to mention that I need to do that every time my hair grows because it looks hideous to have it half of two colors. I really don’t want to pour chemicals on my head and destroy my hair because of some people’s ignorance.


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Surfing around internet, I bumped into a comment which went along the lines that living in a socialist state makes you basically an idiot who lives on welfare studying feminist poetry, drinking Starbucks coffee and uploading photos on Instagram from your iPhone. According to this person, people living on welfare are some lazy hipsters who live large on other people’s money. The problem is that this person doesn’t have the slightest idea how is to live on welfare in a so-called socialist state because otherwise he wouldn’t spew this kind of nonsense.

Fortunately enough, I’ve never lived on welfare but I know very well a case who did. And it was far from the description above. I’m talking about welfare in Finland, about a Finnish citizen. I really don’t know exactly how much welfare one can get now but few years ago, a single person without dependents got around 600 euros. And I doubt the sum has gone up. Add to that help with the rent and you might get something of 800 euros. Some people might think that it’s a lot of money but that’s not the case if you live in Finland.

Finland is one of the most expensive country in the Eurozone (ask Google) and living here with 800 euros without any kind of help is far from hipstering on Instagram and at Starbucks. The average rent for this person was between 450-500 euros/month (and that’s cheap). Food was about 150-200 euros per month (no eating or going out at all). And about 100 euros was left for products of basic hygiene, clothes, Internet and phone (which by the way, was not a smartphone). And there you have all your 800 euros.

I will add that the respective person was not on welfare because of his choice but because of losing his job and having difficulties with finding another one. Also in those 800 euros I didn’t mention expenses for public transportation, doctor costs (whatever one might say healthcare in Finland is not for free), medicine (in case of sickness). Going out, travelling and even buying new clothes was out of the question.

So, I wonder where did this idiot get the idea that people living on welfare are some lazy entitled shits who spend their time taking photos and drinking overpriced coffee. It might be they have other source of money than welfare because not having a job and living on welfare here without any help is very rough. And unfortunately there are people around here who have salaries under 1000 euros/month. Yeah, surviving on that is really “fun” especially after you pay the bills, plan your groceries counting the last cent and hope you won’t get sick.

P.S. I did notice that many people tend to jump at your throat if you live on welfare because they immediately assume you are lazy. These idiots are also the ones who yell that welfare should be banned and people should just get off their asses and go to work. Newsflash: many people nowadays lose their jobs and some get sick. And it’s not their fault. It’s easy to yell get a job but quite difficult to find one. In my opinion, welfare is good and at least you don’t end on the streets. In my former country, if you lost your job you did end on the streets because welfare is nonexistent.

But i guess it’s easy to bark from behind the screen at people who are less lucky than you.

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Some time ago i wrote an article about domestic violence which i was kinda forced to delete under the premise that it attacks a certain group of people aka nationality and this bullshit. First i was very intrigued because i never thought that domestic violence can be seen foremost as an attack at a nationality. I posted it because i know the situation only from a certain place; i mean i know the situation quite well in that place and i abtain myself from discussing other places i don’t know. Because that is a matter of common sense, not discussing things you don’t know. But then it just struck me that actually is not any nationality question…it is the domestic violence question itself. Because in the first place i NEVER payed attention to any nationality and for sure i NEVER intended to send any subliminal messages. It was just about domestic violence as it is. And it quite touched my string that people wanted to shut me up invoking other reasons. Domestic violence has to be taken out from the shadows, we just cannot hide it and find excuses from hiding it. Because there are plenty of women who suffer because of that and i just can’t pass and close my eyes at the whole situation. I have met hundreds of such women in my life and i am sure i will meet many more. I know women who are now gone because the men who were supposed to love them killed them instead.

Domestic violence has no excuse. As simple as that. Nobody deserves to be killed because of their gender. Because most of the victims of domestic violence are women. Why am i doing that? Why am i speaking? Because domestic violence has affected me too. I have been hit and humiliated on the street by complete male strangers. Why? Because i am a woman. For no particular reason. I can’t go beyond the reasons and try to explain now because there is no explanation for such behaviour but keep it in the shadows will make it worse for sure. This thing is not a taboo, it is a reality. That some of the people don’t want to see it, it adds more tragedy to it. And tolerance. I even have been told that i should not care about this because i have a good life. That hurt me the most. If i have a good life it doesn’t mean i have to turn my back an give a shit. Every little thing i can do for help i do it. Because i know when i needed it nobody was there to help me. I know a certain day when i was coming back from school and a group of guys surrounded me and started yelling humiliating things and hit me. And nobody was there to help me. And i remember a certain day when my then good friend was pushed by a guy and she nearly fell with her head on the pavement. Luckily i was strong enough to pull her right at the moment from a car which was coming. And i remember….and i can write more and more and more but it has no meaning. You can’t simply shut me up. I refuse to cross my arms, turn my back and pretend that everything it’s fine. Because it’s not and you damn well know it. Turning the back and giving a shit is not a solution.

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Since recently i have been stiffed up with some unwanted advice for life from “smart” people, i decided to take my revenge and say that those kind of persons who argue that they know better what is good for you are full of crap. More crap than you could ever imagine in your crappiest dreams. I know from my own experience that the only person who knows what is best for me is simply…me. But this after i’ve been through hell and back, the hell of my own paradoxes and inner fights.

I’ve always tried to be the nice child in the family and listen to the good advice from the adults and try as much as i could to please them (it sounds like being a fucking brainless dog). But still … i have been regarded like the black sheep several times because of disobedience. When you grow up in a family which is planning ahead your future it’s kind of difficult to make your own decisions and to know what you really want in life because what you want is wrong and you will become a wreck and we know better and blah blah fuck off. The best example that “we know better, and you will see and change your mind” were my studies. Since i was a brat playing in the sand i knew i wanted to go and study archaeology. I was sure of that 100%. The big troubles appeared was when i cleary expressed myself that i want to go to the History University. I practically had to fight with the tornado, all my arguments were turned down and my self-confidence in what i want from life was turned down, i began to stumble in my decisions and i became a weak piece of shit. And of course ended up in a totally different faculty and studying completely different subject. Not what i was expected to study but at least it was not archaeology to some people’s macabre delight. I can’t say i was totally unhappy but happy i wasn’t either regarding my studies. Most of the times frustrated and with the ardent longing that one day maybe i will be able to study what i really wanted. Books of history, mythology, ancient castles, museums had a magical force on me, attracting me so badly that at one point i just wanted to throw away all my liguistics books and start it all over. But i did not, under the pressure of “oh my god, what would others say! i will displease them!” All the choices i made at one point, even the studies i did not want to were seen as wrong. Then what the hell is right i might ask? And i lost quite few years to come to the simple and obvious conclusion that “fuck what others want and welcome what I want”. At that point my life started being more serene.

Now, i might stay, think and analyze. You folks who come to me with shit of the kind…you should do this and that…don’t you have your own life to live? Why so much interest in mine and by the way why are you fucking your brains off with what i do? The question goes also for the people which i told very bluntly some of my life options and they replied bitterly “you will see, you will change your mind and think differently in the future.” For you i have bad news … look at the example above. To sum it up for you…i wished to study archaeology before i even learned to wipe my ass correctly and my desire grew bigger with years. Because some tyranical figures like you who took advantage of my naivity, i ended up waisting a good part of my energy studying something i was not interested in, so after 24 years to finally say “fuck off” and study what i want. In 24 years my passion remained the same. What makes you think i will change my mind regarding other matters? As you can see i am a constant and very decided person. I know what i want and i keep myself on the track.

So, in conclusion, go and find other “victims” to plan their lives and enlighten them with “smart ass” advice. It won’t work with me because i have learned my lesson in the tough way. You can’t force me to do what i don’t like, it won’t simply work. My decisions are my decisions, good bad but they are mine and i am proud of them. And…if i screw it up then that’s also my business … unlike others i know how to take the consequences and learn from mistakes …preferably my own mistakes.

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I subscribe to my last post in which I was completely pissed on somebody who was talking gibberish about a situation which is not familiar to him. I understand that you want to come up with solutions for everybody for a better world but things ain’t that easy mate. In the first place you do that protected by a system which has covered up your ass since the day you were born. I was born in a country where the system give me a big middle finger since the day I was born and I had to fight for everything that you got for granted. You start yelling “go to work” but who is giving you that work? Where I was born having a job is a privilege nowadays, you don’t have one you are out on the streets, nobody takes care of you mate. There is no social system to pay you just for lingering and drinking beer. You want to study? You’d better have support from your family otherwise…you go and lick the cement. This is the main problem…nothing is for granted, nobody takes care of you and you have to fight for every last cent.

I can say I was lucky but the way I lived is out of your wild imagination. I was born in times where there was no food, everything was rationalized, no light, no water, no TV. I grew up playing outside, with toys made by my grandma. My parents did not have money to buy me ones or better said there were no toys to buy. When everything was over I watched my parents being honest people and working the shit out so they could offer me and my sister a decent life while others were just getting along with their corruption and black shits, getting rich on others’ back. We did not care, we just stick together and were grateful for being healthy, and having a family by my side. But there were times in which I felt something was missing. The secure day of tomorrow, I went on having the security of a united family who raised me up how they could. School is not free there and if you have the bad luck to be born in a poor family then bye! No school for you. University is expensive, only my skin and my parents’ account know how much we struggled so I can have a good education. And then work on a salary that is not even a quarter of what you earn although the expenses are like in your country. Try to live with 300€ per month. You can’t and most of my fellows live like that. My parents, too.

You move your ass in your own car, having your own house and the latest commodities. And you are just a student. Enjoy what you have and stop judging others. Students like you in my country live crowded up 5 in a room sharing a bathroom with other 100, and in some conditions you could not even dream of in your worst nightmares. And yet they live and some of us we are happier than you could ever be. Because we just have hope and are grateful for what we have. We enjoy the free life with all its bads and goods and we don’t moan and complain to the system just to get more money because it’s our right. The system does not take care of us and we have to take care for ourselves. That’s why we are more responsible, more realistical and more fit for life than you will ever be. Because you are the one brought up on a pink cloud and reality is not what you see in the media. The reality is the one you live.

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Tarkan markan blogi

life is a journey, not a destination


life is a journey, not a destination